I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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