you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
