Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
