She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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