someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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