OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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