How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize