all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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