can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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