remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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