the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
