I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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