Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
