I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
