I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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