It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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