So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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