Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
