Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
this just has baby written all over it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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