i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
