I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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