Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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