She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
