I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
