jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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