i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize