We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
