before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
