i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i think i have herpe
just one?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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