I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
