perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
