i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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