Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
