I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
