Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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