Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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