i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
