omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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