whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
