Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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