let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
