Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We named our party play list daddy issues
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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