walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
