we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
