So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
