this beer tastes like vomit already
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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