I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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