I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
