Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize