I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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