Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize