One girl and one boy is just not enough.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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