DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
