oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
