I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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