yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
