i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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