also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
