Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
