At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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