Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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