pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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