Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
