Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize