is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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