No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
