I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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