we're blogging at a bar
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
