I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
