Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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