I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
