But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
