um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize