she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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