How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
