before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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