Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
