I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
