Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
