glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
