if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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