There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
