pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
