I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
