Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
