You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
