Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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