census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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