can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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