I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
