Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
