Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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