i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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