My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
