Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
