I am in a vortex of obligation.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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