She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
