Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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