I wannas sexs uuuuu
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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