why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
