well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
