Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
