You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The struggles of a small town man whore
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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