The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
