And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
