God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
