Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize