you're like a bully in the Christmas story
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
