I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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