How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
