Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
