Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
