I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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