Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
