You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's blow job season.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
