shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize