It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
