dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
