Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
