I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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