She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize