all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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