Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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